Sunday, July 15, 2012

Hand on My Heart

It's been a while since I've made a Second Life fashion post & there are a lot of reasons why. I haven't been on SL lately because I had a major falling out with a couple of my SL "friends" & I got a bit disillusioned since this is not the first time I've had a falling out with some people I thought were my internet "friends." I had to take a big step back & examine myself & my role in the events & the people I tend to gravitate toward & the drama I attract & participate in & produce, as well. It's not always just "everyone else" - it's also me, I have to take responsibility.  All of this "drama" was going on in the midst of some Real Life heath crisis I won't get into detail about now, but as some who REALLY me know, I am dealing with my own chronic illness, & other members of my immediate family have also unfortunately had to deal with their own types of sudden onset illnesses. I am in the role of caretaker for some of them, so there are a lot of stresses. I don't get into details as to preserve my loved one's privacy but let's just say I have been extremely consumed with grief & worry lately & it's very hard.

Even thought I tend to talk & share a LOT, I am actually a pretty private person & I don't tell many people ALL the details because everyone doesn't need to know everything. Everyone has their own major troubles they deal with every day. Anyone who knows what I'm talking about will know. If you don't know, then consider yourself lucky. So yeah, I needed a breather to asses all this "drama" because it really did hurt me & I needed to re-evaluate if I even wanted to continue to participate in the virtual world of Second Life, which suddenly seemed silly & like such a waste of time & money in the grande scheme of things when there are life & death matters on the table. My poor little hurt feelings & the so-called "friends" who were mean & just "didn't understand me" seemed like a waste of my emotion & honestly I don't feel like I have that many emotions left to spare.

Obviously, after about a month & a half of a break, I tentatively got back on SL, but it's a whole new experience now. I don't spend NEARLY as much time as I used to. I used it as a total escape from my life before, but now my life, as complicated as it is, doesn't need escaping as much for some reason. Just like in Real life  situations - maybe I realized that what I was escaping TO wasn't giving me the relief I was expecting anyway? I think I have a better perspective. I kept looking for deeper connections with people & failing. I'm not saying I hate humanity, but I think I am just coming to terms with reality better. I feel profoundly changed by the pain & I think it might be a positive thing. 

Yesterday, while sitting, cuddling with Nico, my new rescued kitten, on my patio in the warm Summer afternoon, listening to the mellow sounds of community radio, I actually wept because I was so happy. In spite of everything that has happened & everything going on I was happier than I had been in longer than I could remember. Hand on my heart.


Sorry no SLurls this time... I'm so lazy tonight! (Most of these stores are already Slurled in my blog on other posts, in my groups or profile picks OR just use search inworld!)

Wasabi Pills ~  Alice Non-Rigged Mesh Hair Ash
Mother Goose's ~ Ai Skin (Lucky Board)
L.Fauna ~ Dimples Freckles [Pale]
MADesigns ~ Eyes_Nature Furry Hills
ni.ju ~ Eyeliner Visual Edge
DeeTaleZ ~ Teeth
Jetcity Fashions ~ Blackpearls Necklace V2 
COCO ~ Handprint Tee - Group Gift
SAKIDE  ~ Slide 'em off panties Sequin
Acid & Mala ~ My Fav Bracelet Black Pearls
Riddle ~ I Heart You Tights Sheer Red
Kick/PuncutE ~ Apple Ring 
Candy Nail ~ #P045 Swallowtail Nails
Amplify ~ Bow Leg Tats
Dilly Dolls ~ Bastian Boots

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